Saturday, June 1, 2013

Conclusion of a friendship

I apologize for the lack of posts. I had actually been working on several reviews, but some personal life stuff got in the way.

I originally wrote this post with intentions of venting on what I felt was an injustice of friendship, but as I kept writing, it ended up into a driveling pool of anger spouted reasongins...and was like pages and pages long. Ergo, it wasn't published. Instead, I left it for a few day or so and called up my sister, spoke to a few other friend and generally tried to get some perspective.

The conclusion was still pretty much the same. It was basically time to let a particular friendship laps into something as more of an acquaintance-like situation, or none at all.

Sounds so juvenile and drastic like the drama-queen I am, but in all honesty, I just don't have the energy or time I used to in order to deal with and sustain a relationship like with someone. I am still deciding if I should discuss this with that person, let's call her E, about my conclusion as the alternative would be to leave the relationship alone until the point have been driven through.

Personally, I would like to tell E as I was once on the receiving end of someone completely ignoring me and not even acknowledging my request as to know what has happened. I later found out someone had manipulated as an in-between, but sadly that lady chose to believe someone else rather than allow a discussion. She may have gotten her closure with whatever it was she believed and felt no amount of talking would have resolved anything, but I had to resolved it on my own, a few years after the lady's death. Even so, I remembered the absurdity of her actions. Therefore, I didn't want to make the same mistakes.

One problem would be E's habit of cancelling on me whenever we would schedule a hang out time. So, telling her in person is really out of the question. Not sure if phone call or email would be better. I could be especially modern (and cruel) and do it via text. ;) Kidding.

In truth, I do not believe telling her would make any difference in my decision and the course of this friendship...as I've voiced my concerns about how she has treated me several times before and resulted in the same. Several times in the past few years pointing out how I am uncomfortable/unhappy/unwilling to have this form of friendship. How many chances are you supposed to give someone before you give up?

I don't think there is a clear answer, but when it no longer feels right, then it was probably time to say "pass" when certain people come knocking. Rather then let the sarcastic and mean (but often fun to read) post out, let's just settle on this.

Every relationship requires some form of effort. Expectations vary depending on the depth and/or length of said relationship. E and I had known each other for a very long time. There were moments throughout the years where we felt close enough to be like family. As time wore on and our personal lives become more prominent, the type of effort we are willing to put forth sometimes dictates the type of relationship people have.

For the past few years, I had already noticed the distance growing between us. So this end really shouldn't be that much of a shock. I'm not especially sad about this end, but it is rather disappointing. It feels as if I am throwing away such a long friendship...but I think as with all forms of relationship, when two people no longer work towards the same thing, it is hard to sustain.

So, even though I didn't publish any of it, just writing out a lot of my thoughts really helped me see this more clearly. I am ending a friendship that had lasted a very long time. I no longer want to spend so much time and effort just because of the length of time we had known each other. Time is important, but it is not the determinate of a good relationship with anyone.

Instead, I shall be selfish and focus on the things going on in my life...especially since I'm getting legit soon. Ah joy...that's another whole crazy post. All I can say about it is, the people the created this monstrosity of "weddings" is insane.

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